No Strings Attached: The Case of Lindsay and Jerod

"No Strings Attached" is a case I found especially applicable to our course, as I imagine some, if not many of us have experienced a similar situation, whether it is from the perspective of Lindsay and/or Jerod. 

Lindsay and Jerod are "friends with benefits". For a couple months they've made frequent arrangements to get drunk, have sex, and pass out. While this was initially okay with Lindsay she now desires more from the relationship. Jerod however has no intention of making Lindsay more than a fling. 

In terms of relational development, Lindsay and Jerod's relationship would likely be categorized in the initiation stage. Although they have certainly "experimented" with each other, the experimentation stage requires more than pouring shots and unrolling Jimmys. Aside from knowing they like getting drunk and having sex together, Lindsay and Jerod do not really know each other. This begins to bother Lindsay, whose emotion equipped sexual investment in Jerod has lead her to want more out of her relationship with him. At the least, she's out to bring certainty to her state of curiosity.  

Having not really heard from Jerod, Lindsay shows up unannounced to his frat house where she discovers him with another woman. Saddened, Lindsay rushes (no pun intended) from the fraternity and is faced with the dilemma for how to address Jerod regarding their relationship. Aware that she and Jerod haven't really formed an actual relationship (that she and him are still only in the stage of initiation), she wonders how she could even approach Jerod, stating that as a "friend with benefits" she really doesn't possess the right to question his motives for their arrangement. Through this internal conflict and increased levels of emotion Lindsay has advanced herself to the experimentation stage of relational development. That is she would like to talk with Jerod and get to know him in the effort to bring clarity to their relationship. While Lindsay seems interested in “intensifying” her relationship with Jerod, it is also apparent that above all she simply wants Jerod to be honest and straightforward with her about who they are in relation to each other. Nonetheless, because Jerod is still in the stage of initiation, Lindsay remains uncertain on how to initiate an “experimental” conversation.

For Lindsay, I think Jerod's non-verbal communication is telling, and by "non-verbal" I mean Jerod's actual silence, his inconsistency in calling Lindsay, or his not "filling her in" on how he feels about their "stringless" situation. In general, if a man feels for a woman, he will make it known to her, for men typically initiate. And while Jerod did initiate his arrangement with Lindsay, he only did it…initially. Since, he has made no real effort to show any commitment toward Lindsay beyond his commitment to her lower half. Not to mention Jenna, the woman who sat on Jerod's lap as Lindsay entered the frat house. By not telling Lindsay anything, Jerod has told her she is nothing more to him than a "fuck buddy", at least we would assume.

Of course, it is usually not easy for someone in Lindsay's position to simply say "Oh, I can just sense that's he's not really into me like that." And who knows? Jerod could have some unorthodox Greek life strategy of developing his intimate relationships. Regardless, it remains apparent that Lindsay needs some verbal answers. While she did question whether she has the right to discuss her feelings with someone she is only sleeping with, she failed to question whether she does not have the right to discuss her feelings with someone she is only sleeping with. After all, what Lindsay is feeling has unfurled as a result of this very "friendly, beneficial" arrangement she and Jerod established. Thus Lindsay should acknowledge that it is okay for her to address the issue. However if this hesitance continues to be an issue, she could simply wait until she hears from Jerod for their next hook-up, then meet up with him, and talk instead of fuck. That way the talk wouldn’t result from Lindsay’s efforts to get together, but Jerod’s, which could ease the approach for Lindsay as she discusses her feelings with him. Further, if Lindsay does wait until she hears from Jerod, she might be waiting a while, perhaps enough time for her to move forward from the situation…when Jerod does call, Lindsay won’t even care to have a talk anymore.

Lindsay can either interpret Jerod's non-verbals and then draw her own conclusions, or to be absolutely sure she can ask Jerod to draw his picture of their relationship, and hope his sketching skills are more than respectable. Finally Lindsay can simply wait to hear from Jerod, and then talk (or not talk) with him, depending on whether she has the desire to do so at that point.